7:29 p.m. - 2001-05-20
Funky Doo Dah
Well, I was motivated to return to my laptop, so if this appears anything limited its not because of that. I blame my allergies that are totally decimating me this weekend. They say rain takes the edge off of the allergies thing. Guess again. With rain, I've been recreated into a congested, snotting, red-eyed mess. I can't sleep b/c I can't breathe. I can't function during the day, b/c I can't breathe.
And, have I gone to the doctor? Nope. Why? Because when in the hell do I have time for that?
Anyways, I'm recovering famously from my alter-ego Friday night. Saturday my friends graduated and are now part of the soon-to-be working stiffs.
What interested me about THEIR graduation, aside from having a more famous speaker (We had a Senator, they had the acting Governor), is that there were Secret Service ALL OVER CAMPUS. My friend M (who graduated w/ me last year) and I brought (literally) a picnic lunch and sat in the shade munching down while the were walking down the lane to their seats. The highlight of this graduation, like all the others before them, is the bagpipers. That's so cool. When I graduated last year, I couldn't HEAR them, much less see them. When I married my husband, I gained the end of the alphabet. I used to be in the beginning. That was ok, until it was time to present a project or take my test first. Now, I'm last for everything. Its a bit of a bummer, especially when I want to be first.
Anyways, being at their graduation had me thinking. What the hell took me so long to get my bachelor's? It took me over 9 yrs to complete it. These kids were barely out of diapers and already diploma-ed. *sighs* Face it, I'm getting older each day.
I creak and crack when I get out of bed now, when does Medicade start sending me stuff? Or, better yet, AARP?
And I'm hoping to possibly maybe sorta have another child once Im tenured. 2 more years. I'll be 35. I don't know if I can do that at 35. My kids will be 9 and 12 then. Do I want to go thru that again? I want a lil girl. But, I don't want a teenage girl. Ya know what I mean?
So...now I'm supposed to go work on my finals, they are due on June 1st. I'm procrastinating better than I ever have before. I've had 2 weeks to do them, but alas, I do squat.
I'm worried about my "empty nest" feeling. While I sat at graduation yesterday (and p.s. I had plenty of friends graduating that were OVER 24 and UNDER 55), I was thinking about when I get to experience my first graduation as a teacher. I feel an attachment to certain seniors. School is going to be so different next year. Who's going to harass me so comfortably next year? That is, IF I pass them. I might fail them so they have to stay. I know that's silly, I'm kidding. Trust me, I'd rather kick their butts out of h.s. and let them experience all that I didn't.
But, I have to keep reminding myself that they aren't my kids. Necessarily.
Is this normal? I asked around to the other experienced teachers. One told me that he's never gone to a graduation yet. He's been at my school for over 10 yrs. Another told me that there will be kids to replace the ones who leave. Yet, another told me that she didn't care either way...these kids are evil and are only getting more evil.
well now...no wonder I'm disgruntled. No one knows what in the hell they're doing.
I want to LOVE my job. I want to LOVE my job so much that I would slaughter anyone who questioned it. But I don't.
I'm questioning whether or not I should continue this way. I am looking into going to grad school. One professor told me on Friday that he will be starting a new master's program in 2002. It's leadership and public administration. What in the hell is that good for, I ask. Well, apparently, its to groom people for authoritative jobs...bosses, administrators in school, future dictators, and others such as this.
So, I'm thinking...do I want to return to this expensive school (I never heard of it before, but apparently people from all over the world come here...AND I'm teaching there this summer) for more torment at a Masters' level...a place where I know everyone...and KNOW my professors. OR Do I venture out, attempt to be accepted in lieu of my suckass GRE scores and live life outside of CC?
I will have to get back to you on that. I don't know what I want to do when I grow up, and probably never will. I do know that I enjoyed Criminal Justice. I was hoping to find a Criminology masters proggy, but that's hard. I never realized how specialized that is. It makes me want it more. :) At one time I had wanted to study Mesoamerican cultures. I think that would require me to actually GO THERE to learn about it more. I love anything about Aztecs, Incas and Maya. I read about their cultures, read stories such as "I Rigoberta Menchu..." (Good read, I suggest it if you have a strong stomach), etc. I envy everyone who's been to Central America. I would love to go see Belize. I would love to see the jungles of Guatemala. I would love to duck and cover from drug dealers hiding in Panama and Costa Rica's Rain Forests. That would be interesting. I want to climb to the top (I will prolly bitch and moan about it as I do it) of the Maya temples, and trek through...wait. I hate bugs. I fear ticks and snakes and anything that could make you sick and possibly die. I wonder if I could find a nice helicopter pilot to take me in...er...I'm afraid of heights.
Damn it. My mother raised a sissy. I'm not usually fearful of others. I'm fearful of things I can't see nor control. Stupid, isn't it? I won't swallow pills (never had the urge to choke down a horse pill), I won't dangle off the Empire State building or bungee jump off of ANYTHING, won't ride a rollercoaster. God, I'm useless.
But, I love learning. I'm wondering if there's a masters program for that. Learning Efficiency- MA.
That's a thought.
Ok, I have to find the motivation to do anything other than rote bitching.