1:26 a.m. - 2001-08-17
I wanted to write this letter to say goodbye. Its been so long since we spoke, but I can still see your faces in my mind. To me, we shall stay 15 forever. The memories we've made will never leave me. In fact, they sustained me during my darkest times. They sustain me now, during a sad moment in my life.
I won't ever be able to say anything to ease your pain. I can't hold your hands as you sleep. I wish that I could take back all these years just to see you once again. But I can't. I'm weeping continuously for the youth you've lost, the time that was robbed from you. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. I will regret that for the rest of my life. We always said that its never goodbye, just see ya later. I wish I said goodbye. There's no taking that back.
I wish I didn't know that you died. I wish I kept the thoughts of you, full of youth and life, in my mind. I can't sleep. My mind is filled with constant reminders of you. Even tho its been so long, it wont stop. I long to hear your voices, see your faces, touch your hands, but I can't.
The times besides the campfire. The practical jokes we've played on you. The songs we sang, the food we ate, the games we've played. The trouble we got into, the times we cried and laughed at the same time. THe people who impacted our lives forever. You remember them. I certainly do.
I'm sorry I wasn't there for you at the end. I'm sorry that I didn't know. What could I have done to ease your suffering? What could I have done to make it more bearable? What could I have done?
My heart is overwhelmed with the grief of lost years, lost youth, and broken hearts. For only a few short years you were apart of me and I apart of you. Those memories kept me alive and shall for years to come. I only wish that one day we shall meet again, and be 15.
I love you all. Camp Bald Eagle forever.
(Jim, Chris, Adam, Jeff, Nate, Jamie, Jimmy, and all those who died long before their time. My love to those who are suffering and ill. I'm sorry it took me all these years to find you again. Forgive me for not being persistent.)
Aids/Hiv has no friends. Aids/Hiv has only enemies. Hemophiliacs are the innocent victims.