1:21 p.m. - 2001-08-20
Insomnia

Insomnia

Now I'm convinced I need therapy. I never used to be so stressed out. I'm calmer now than Thursday/Friday of last week. I went into school today and found out they shifted (er..shafted?) me again. I'm in another 3 different rooms. If they want me to quit, all they have to do is ask at this point.

So, being who I am, I went to talk to the principal (who is also the superintendent). I was calm, slightly humorous, and a little confused. I told him I was there to get things into my room and I was told that I have been moved again. So, I wanted him to clarify second semester for me (The room situation is a total drag..our dept lost another classroom this year...turns out my history buddy also floats.....go figure. I guess tenure means shit here.)

Then, I asked him if he was angry with me. He said no. I asked him if he hated me or was taunting me to get a reaction. He looked at me funny. Maybe he is. He usually taunts me with sarcasm waiting for retaliation.

He never answers me. I was curious. I still am. What did I possibly do to incur shitville for a year.

I also told him, seriously, that I would hope that next year I could get a room of my own, considering 2 teachers from our dept are leaving. He said, "we'll see."

In the meantime, I think I'm going to look around and have my friends keep an eye out for a job. If my own boss can't be honest and upfront w/ me (and I asked him to be that way in the future), then I can't work there.

YEs, I do realize that schools are 250% politics. I don't play games (probably why I don't particularly enjoy women as friends....b/c sooner or later they screw you with a bitterness... its not even enjoyable. I can't reap the reward of that either...) I'm not even sure education is the field for me, especially if this is how people treat one another. I was under the misguided understanding that education was all about teaching the kids. Apparently, in my ignorance, I am wrong yet again. Its about who you can one-up while moving up the ladder. Its also about who you can slambast and undermine. I don't play that way. If I'm going to get you, you'll see it coming. (Tho, sometimes I go stealth.)

I also won't call back the math-teacher person for a while. I have a feeling she's trying to move up the ladder of academia by making me the whipping child for the district. So sorry. I don't hide my angst for ppl, and I also don't hide my distrust. I will usually tell you that I don't trust you.

Why hide it?

I told her I don't trust her, nor did I appreciate her complaining to the principal for a schedule change for her and my former mentor (who had me basically ejected from MY room).

Guess where the boss put me for 2 classes? YUP. Her room. This will be dandy. She pissed SOMEONE off and now we're both punished.

The boss said I should appreciate being put into her room. I just shrugged and said it didn't matter where I was as long as it wasn't changed again (b/c I'm putting my stuff in the homeroom room for now then dispursing it later).

I don't want him to think he can "get" me upset. I can hold it in well and hide it when I have to. Once I'm up on his game, I won't let him bother me again. I learned that last year w/ the old crank pot and the alcohol incident.

Btw....an interesting twist at school. I get there today and I am "informed" that the state police swat team is practicing upstairs. Joy. Tho, as I rethink it, it would've been MASSIVE eyecandy. From what I was told, at least 30 hot guys in camos were running around upstairs w/ paintball guns. Unfortunately, they weren't in MY hallway. ANd the hallway they were supposedly in was taped off for their drill. Dammit. I wanted so much to be the damsel in distress right at THAT moment.

I need a lil love and attention today.

Hehe.

Oh well, time to continue mulling over lessons. I've never taught an honors class. I figure this is a peace pipe.

oh well

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