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8:52 p.m. - Sunday, Nov. 18, 2001
The deer-skunk strategy

Deer-Skunk Strategy

Well, I'm in the process of trying to convince my former Poli-Sci professor that I have an idea for a new strategy regarding dealing w/ terrorism. Since my state is totally insane w/ the deer population, and frequent roadkills are a bother and a mess, we should gather a percentage of deer and drop them on the cities of Afghanistan. Before you get your animal loving panties in a knot, let me explain. There's something about the life-cycle of a deer. You can hit them w/ a minivan filled w/ soccer peewees and the freakin thing will still get up and run away. Also, if you do get a direct hit, they smoosh your vehicle up so badly that you smell deer spit and see hair and drool everywhere. It is that every-so-often that a deer actually dies. I think it has to do w/ the first hit being a stun then the second hit resulting in death. (I'm not an advocate of death, mind you, but living as a child of a hunter my whole life, it seems more ethical to use them for something significant... roadkill shows no aspiration or creativity.)

Then...

The skunks. North America is laden w/ skunks. Even when dead, they are notorious for EVIL STENCH. We could take dead ones, if people freak about live ones (tho, I don't see too many advocate groups for the protection of skunks) and set them free in Afghanistan. If you know ANYTHING about skunks, know this.... they LOVE caves and make dens in remote dark places. You want Bin Laden? Use a skunk. And, there's no medicinal cure for skunk spray, other than a tomato bath (and I don't recall if they grow tomatoes in Afghanistan or not).

Tho this theory seems misplaced and barbaric, it prevents the use of nuclear weapons and saves the big bombs for later use. Actually, with all those peace loving liberals protesting our retaliatory efforts, skunks and deer should show to be more acceptable. They won't necessarily kill anyone (unless ur allergic to deer hair or skunk stench), and as I recall... Lime Disease, when caught early, only makes your joints achy, but is treatable.

I don't really think that its a bad theory, in essence. I do need to work on the concept tho. :)

Anyways...3 days til Turkey Day. If I don't post...have a good one (tho the non-Americans don't really celebrate this... I would suggest that you do...since we all have something to be thankful for.)

US Gov't might be finding our lil elusive friend soon, keep your fingers crossed.

 

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