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9:19 p.m. - Saturday, Dec. 22, 2001 Christmas BluesI remember a time when Christmas would make me cry because I didn't have anyone to share it with. Every Christmas of my teenage years was without a boyfriend. The first "real" boyfriend I conjured up after h.s. was a dipshit. We broke up before Thanksgiving. My friends equated him to a knuckle-dragging primate. He was barbarish. And, he couldn't dance. But his brothers were hot. I chose to not date the younger brother (stupid stupid stupid). Then... hiatus from dating because men sucked. I then dated dumbshit for a year. He would bribe me with material wealth. 1 1/2 yrs after our first date (first date: "here smell this..." (Pushes mayo UP my nose... I should've known he was a prick), we break up, my brother dies, I find out I'm preggers w/ the dumbshit's child. The child is 10, almost 11 now. I'm not a fan of Xmas. I'm always disappointed. Each year I lose more and more of that lavish Xmas spirit. I don't want a tree. I hate decorating. I don't want to shop. I think its stupid. Speaking of shopping... Let me tell you the tale of "The weekend before Xmas"... We goto the mall to get last minute presents (what do you get people who "have" everything?). We brave traffic, stupid people driving cars IN traffic, and lane cutters. Then, we have to deal w/ spot stalkers (people waiting for spots that follow walking people around the lot til they get in THEIR cars... its quite an ordeal). We get into the mall. I wait to breathe a sigh of relief, but alas there's none in sight. Amidst the red discount signs, people are shoulder to shoulder... shoving each other along, little kids getting pushed to the side. This is all out warfare. I will not be pushed. I will not let my kids be pushed. Nor, will I allow some snot-crusted child touch me. Or so I thought. The four of us split up. The lil one goes with me (I bribed him w/ gum.) We walk the length of the mall for what felt like hours (really: 40 minutes) and can't find a damned thing. Why? Because the management packed the mall with the same type of store, stores too expensive for the area that the mall is in, or stupid stores. So, I get a couple of things and we opt to sit by the fountain. I promise him icecream. (Yes, I do realize its freezing outside.) So, we wait for a bench and sit. The lil one neatly eating his icecream (napkins next to him). We enjoy the bliss of watching people walk by (I will teach him to people watch w/o speaking OUT LOUD... b/c he embarasses me sometimes with what he says). Then it happens. Some lady with a stroller in tow, backs the damn thing up. I see it coming. Lil one and I are casually sitting on the bench, spread out, b/c soon we will be joined by 2 others who will WANT to sit. What I didn't expect, was a full-grown woman to sit on my lap. Yes. She backed up that stroller mobile, and SAT ON MY LAP. No "pardon me," no "excuse me." She pushed herself between me and the arm of the bench (6-8 inches at best) ON my Xmas gift bag. Ok bitch, I'll slide over if you'll get off my lap. I have a 7 yr old w/ me who's eating icecream. I bite my tongue. Ok, I slide over nicely... for now... with a bit of a scowl on my face. Nervy bitch, that one. Next... Her dirty-handed child climbs on her lap and she smooshes between bitch and me. Again, I slide over. This time not without the "what the fuck" look aimed directly at her. Silence. NOt a word from the intruder. My son continues to eat his icecream oblivious to the fact that I want to throttle this woman. But, it doesn't end there. Next, her snot-crusted OTHER gene pool experiment TOUCHES ME. (ewwwwwwww gag gag) I must've had this FREAKED OUT look on my face. My own kids never ever ever were snotcrusted nor did they or do they have dirty hands. I teach my kids a thing we call in my state as "hygiene." Learn it, live it. I'm staring AT her...she's no more than 8 inches from my body. I glare at her. My nostrils flaring. I'm totally holding back the live-altering ass whipping I've been dying to give since that asshole cut us off in the parking lot. Her husband, aka spouse of the one who will die if she touches me again, comes over and GIVES THEM ALL ICE CREAM. Yey. How about some napkins, ya know? Soon, the whole fucking family is attempting to push us off the bench. My ass isn't moving. I've endured too much in the 3 hours I was at this mall to move my ass off this bench. By the way, she never said excuse me or anything. Rude, big old fucking rude. My other-half arrives with #1 son. As I rise, this is my perfect opportunity to throttle her verbally (I know the law, I can't hit her....even tho PMS is a viable excuse to murder someone). *As I get up* "I'm glad you're here. People suck in this state." He knows where this is going, I'm sure... "and SOME people are just RUDE. And someone needs to teach her kids to WASH. *mumbles*fuckingbitchbenchstealingrudeassmotherfucker*" *casual glance at the frothy one who mooched my seat* I truly hope that her Xmas was made brighter by the fact that I retrained from beating her w/ her child's snot-crusted face. Or, her stroller. Whichever was closer. Why was so I violent? DID YOU GOTO THE MALL TODAY? (ugh!) ------insert comment------- and I *know* my Xmas will suck b/c NO ONE buys me the gifts that I really want.
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