So, here goes...

(Side note: Aside from listening to my #2 son hackling over the ability to kill people in his new "Zoo Tycoon" game (where he pens in the people with live animals to see what will happen), I've finally finished revising my resume and cover letter formats.)

However, I should tell you about New Year's Eve, shouldn't I? Ohhh...ok. You broke me, I give in.

Ok, so the baby had the killer poos all week long, making me wonder if E and I would ever get out on New Year's Eve. As the day drew closer, the baby still teetered on the edge of "liquid-poo" giving us the impression that he didn't want his parents to enjoy themselves without him.
However, being brave, my parents decided that since he's eating relatively "normal" and is running around the room like a windup toy with never-ending energy, they decided they could "deal" with the squishy stuff all for the sake of allowing their ONLY daughter (me) and sil (E) to actually GET out and BE free without the constraints of parenthood for ONE night.

(how kind of them...)

Anyways, we packed up all 3 boys for gramma's house, and it felt like we were moving them out. Suitcases, boxes, highchair, porta-crib WITH sleeping mattress, clothes, diapers, toys, food, bottles/cups, mini-fridge, and a kegger. By the time we GET all of this to my mom's house, it's nearing 6:30pmish, meaning... it's going to be HELL finding a place to eat where the line is less than an hour long (even WITH reservations... something we didn't get beforehand).

So, we backed up my truck to the front door and shoveled all of the kid-crap through their front door, kissed the older boys, hugged the baby twenty times or more, we ran for the light... of my taillights. Once free from the grasp of sticky little hands, we cackled and sped off into the sunset...

To find a place to eat...

With a line less than 100 people, and a wait-time of less than 2 weeks...

And, after less successful attempts of finding a place to eat, we settled on a new "chain" restaurant that recently opened near our house. This was perfect, because we had planned on seeing National Treasure in the movies that night anyway.

So, we pull up and I run in to check the wait-time (but secretly planned on putting our names on the "list" and getting a vibrating coaster just like the rest of the sheeple waiting outside). Once I climbed out of my truck, I happened to SEE something out of the corner of my eye, which I soon confirmed after running inside to get on the "list."

...it was my ex-boyfriend. The guy I dated briefly JUST before E, the one who broke my heart, humiliated me, and will forever be known as *DICKFACE*.

And, he was there with what I believe was his wife and some friends. And, coincidentally, ALL OF THEM spent plenty of time staring at me... which had me wondering if I had toilet paper stuck to my shoe or something green and furry sticking out of my teeth. And, after a certain amount of time, had I been intoxicated or on the road to it, I would've approached them (probably) and asked them "What the hell is your problem?"

I, however, have 3 steps of avoidance while sober and clear-headed:

And, I intended on using ALL of my resources in order to complete these three levels come hell or high water.

So, we ended up waiting outside for our coaster to "vibe" while I held an indepth conversation with some 2 year old about how cool his sneakers were. All the while, I could FEEL someone eyeballing me. I casually looked up to pretend to check my watch (as my eyes perused the parking lot) only to see DICKFACE and his crowd ALL staring at me...in unison.

This meant one of several things:

(I'd end up nixing #3 because of the thousands of people waiting to eat, they were the ONLY ones looking at me... aside from the 2 year old with the cool sneakers.)

And, yes, E knew he was there. I actually wanted to make sure I wasn't seeing things. I hadn't seen DICKFACE since E and I were engaged... and with age rapidly smacking me in the back of my head, I wanted to make sure that he was the DICKFACE I was seeing and not some 'look alike.'

If you're wondering if the guy ever took his finger out of his ass to 'talk' to me, the answer is no. I didn't think he would grow the balls to do that, and in a way, I'm really glad he didn't. Because I can promise one thing out of this... if he did speak to me, the response wouldn't be what he would be expecting.

So, during dinner, I avoided peeing, the salad bar, and the drinky bar because *I* didn't want to have to be cordial to him. And, since the hostess gods were smirking upon me, his group was GRACIOUSLY seated near the bathrooms. Damn, I have the bladder of a chipmunk. So, now I had to HOLD it, eat my food, and try not to act like the 'look out' of our table. And, for a moment, my heart stopped because the wait-staff was preparing a table with a kiddie seat RIGHT NEXT TO US. (This is when the hostess gods were smiling...) And, all I could think of was, "Wouldn't that be MY luck..."

However, I'm not that lucky. *grins*

So, dinner ended without a confrontation and we walked out to my truck, laughing about this schmuck and the coincidence of him being at the SAME exact restaurant as we were on New Year's Eve. Talk about blind dumb luck...

However, I need to give you a BRIEF background of DICKFACE so you don't think I'm some disgruntled ex...
We were 'friends' for over a year. I lost my brother just after we had met, found out I was made pregnant by Satan, and turned into a stressed out, overly emotional mess come time to give birth. He showed up at my door about a week or two AFTER I recovered from having a c-section, with flowers. We briefly dated after that. He was a super huge flirt who insisted on telling me tales of his indiscretions... of which I call it, "He Bagged the WHOLE World 'Cept Me."

And by "bagged," I mean "rummaged through her luggage," "poked until done," and "made wanting to come back for more." In OTHER words- he wanted me to believe that there was more to this "women he had sex with, wanted to have sex with, or knew wanted to have sex with him" thing. He wanted me to THINK he was this killer cassanova. (I can laugh HEARTILY about THAT one!)

The last thing I wanted to HEAR about was that he was dipping his dong in the public watering hole. And, for the record- he never DID "bag" me... I do have my standards, and they had drastically IMPROVED after getting pregnant.

However, in the end, after a month or two of dating, DICKFACE ended up being NOT monogomous by dating not one but TWO other women besides me. And, the END of the end came when he ended up ENGAGED to one while dating the other two. AS WELL... he lied to me about it, too. MOREOVER, to show what kind of scumbag he IS (further evidence), he tried to fix me up with HIS FRIEND while we were out at dinner. And, it wasn't even like he was cute or anything... he was a weird guy with a traveling right eye who would do this "huckahuckahuck" laugh whenever I said anything. Aaannnything. Like, pass the pepper. "Huckahuckahuck, yer so FUNNY!"

Geesuz... the guy wasn't even FROM the South and he sounded like Joe Bob Huckletooth from the Ozarks. This and the idea of this guy TOUCHING me was grossing me out so much that I go up and went home.

And, two days later DICKFACE tells me that "it" was over... because he "couldn't do IT" anymore. And, apparently "it" meant ME...

Good riddence to bad boyfriend, I say.

However, this haunted me for a while after the dating thing ended. He rejected ME for this horse-face midget fat ass and I'm getting all upset over it?
Don't worry lil grasshopper, this girl got over him but good... and fast. Because several months after declaring that I would be celibate for LIFE, I met E and after that... well, I didn't have to worry about joining a nunnery or becoming a priest. (Good thing, too, because all I ever gave birth to were BOYS.)

By the end of the night we ended up seeing National Treasure in the movies. I loved it. I really really did. As a history nut, an American History nut, I found the movie to be quite... COOL in a really COOL kinda way. Like DaVinci Code kinda cool. (Go see it, tell them that Gi sent ya!)

But, on another note: I wouldn't be surprised to run into DICKFACE again. I found out a short time ago that he moved near ME... which means that ANY trip to Walmart may end up turning into Jerry Springer.

So, stay tuned for THAT update...

Baby's words for 2005: MOWYA (more)

Which would make a LOT of sense... more poo, more food, more poo, more DIAPERS for the increase of poo, and food to fuel the poo. Mowya is definitely the "it" word.