Like your hands... fingers... feet... it's all relative until you actually sit down and stare at them.

Why do people say that everything "tastes like chicken"? Why can't frog taste like frog and crickets like crickets? You're not fooling anyone... we all KNOW it's not chicken.

And, yellow snow... why aren't we born with the intelligence to automatically KNOW that yellow snow is not good for you? (Or brown snow, for that matter...)

Yesterday, while sitting in a movie with over 20 5th graders, my other two kids (#1 and 3) and E were building a Gargantuan family of snow people... and, in fact, #3 tasted snow for the first time.

White snow... from what I'm told. (E read the look on my face when he said, "the baby ate snow today," and quickly corrected himself with "WHITE snow.")

However, after a TOTALLY boring and uneventful time, I sat down to a plate of....enchiladas....courtesy of ME. Seeing that I promised #1 this dinner on SATURDAY, but couldn't because we were roasting a whole pig, two sheep and a goat in my oven for Sunday's shin-dig, he had to wait til Monday night to get his birthday dinner.

With that finished, I left ALL of the dishes for someone else to do.

And, yesterday was the day to "torment E" with a rendition I like to call, "EEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH."

Sunday's guest list was engorged with two additional people at the table: SUPA Shy Guy and Tall Girl.
I know I went through this all ready, but I didn't tell you about the "EEEEAAAAAHHH" thing.

When we were waiting for people to arrive on Sunday, I was in my kitchen cooking (as usual). I can see through the pass-through (aka former outside window prior to the addition of a family room off of our kitchen-dining room) to the back door. With one eye on the back door, I continued to get everything ready for dinner.

Not more than 2 seconds after taking my eyes off of the door, in walks a cavalcade of screamers, stompers, and circus clowns. Not expecting it, I suddenly hear "EEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH" being screamed. Apparently, Tall Girl has never seen our house. And, apparently she's never seen any house that E built. And, more so than this, she has this inane ability to squeal like a dying chicken when she gets excited.

We still had 4 hours to go...
And she was all ready squealing...

I quickly looked up to see this girl, who has to be nearly 6'2", standing on my tile floor by the backdoor SQUEALING in delight: "EEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHH, OHHHHH MYYYYY GAAAAAAAWWWWWWWDDDDDDDD...."E" DID YOU MAAAAAKE THIS? OOOOOH MYYYYY GAAAAAAAAWWWWWWDDDDDD... I'M SOOOO PROOOOUD OF YOOOOOOOU!!"

Ok, that was 5 on the overkill meter.

Did it stop here? Nope.

10 people are standing squished together on a 10'x6' tile entrance area looking at this girl squealing in delight (loudly) at the construction ability of E.
It was at this point that I realized that she just neutered my husband.

From this time on, for about 4 or so hours, Tall Girl squealed in delight whenever E did something...

It was getting a bit crazy by Hour 2.

"EEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH..OOOOH MMMYYYY GAAAAAAWWWWDDDDDD!!!"

That's her new montra... Hi, I'm Tall Girl and I squeal like a kitten in a blender. Wanna hear?

Sometime after we ate dinner, she stands up and announces "I wanna see the rest of the house."

Uh, hmm... I didn't get a chance to clean the bedrooms up... nor did I expect anyone to actually WANT to go in the rooms. However, I ran ahead of her and SUPA Shy Guy, who was staring at the family with big eyes and red face.

"Ok, but I'm warning you... I didn't get to clean the rooms... we're under construction, so there are parts that aren't usually open to the public."
"EEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, I'm just SO excited that "E" can do stuff like this!! I'm AAAAAMAZED!!"

(If you wanted to cut off his dick, then do it all ready. This squealing is giving me a headache.)

So, I showed them the bathrooms (cleaned earlier, thank YOU), and the two boys' bedrooms and mine... mine looked like a cyclone hit it. Since Jersey isn't affected by cyclones, I can only imagine... Considering I had done about 100 loads of laundry and had baskets all over, I was hoping she'd just glance quick and leave.

But no...
Not Tall Girl...
She stood in my room, spun in a single circle and said, "EEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! OH MYYYY GAAAAAAAWWWWDDDDDD... I LOVE IT... love it love it love it!"

I did the same spin and saw baskets of clothes that needed folding, the contents of my vanity on my bed (E was working on the countertop & sink for my bathroom), and piles of clothes that didn't fit ANYone ANYmore. Love what? My mess?

Ok, whaaaaaaaaaaatever. As long as she didn't do that shit directly in my ear, I didn't care too much about what she thought. My room was a mess, plain and simple.

However, as we walked back down the hallway to the stairs, she stopped midway and said, "OOOOh MYYYYY GAAAWWWWWWWDDDDDDDD!!"

Sighing, I asked what now.

"I LOVE THIS HOUSE!!"

Yeah, ok, move your ass before I push you down the stairs, is what I thought... however, playing the sort've nice hostess, I told her we were "going to have cake now," in an attempt to get her ass out of my way... and her voice OUT of my earshot.

So, where's E hiding, I wondered when I got back into the dining room...

A short time later, he comes into the kitchen to throw out a peepee diaper.

"EEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! OOOOOH MYYYYY GAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWD!!!! HOW CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!"

*sighs*

Apparently, E changing and THROWING out a peepee diaper is cute. I think it's smart of him... because then the house won't smell like stale mall urinal.

However, this squealing went on for some time... even including her shock that E cooks.
"EEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! YOU COOK?!?!"

At this point, even the dog couldn't take it anymore... I stepped in with my saving grace, "He cooks... a lot, actually."

(I didn't mention that he only cooks certain things...)

At this point, E was so SICK and TIRED of the extreme accolades, that he made himself scarce. I almost envy how he disappeared without a trace. Damn him. Because with HIM gone, it was up to ME to entertain Tall Girl and SUPA Shy Guy, who was, as you expected, NOT talking...

By Hour 4, it was time to kick everyone out so I could pass out on the couch and take a nap. This 14 year old better appreciate this... is all I kept thinking... because WE had to endure "EEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH" all..fucking...day...long!

So, all day on Monday (except while I was in the movies w/ #2 son and his class), I did the "EEEEAAAAAAAH OH MY GAWDDDDDD!!" thing to E. Why? Because when the volume's not on, it's really funny to watch him get annoyed because he NEVER gets annoyed...

And, last night, around 8pm, my mom calls and the FIRST thing I hear is... "EEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH OHHHHH MYYYYY GAAAAWWWWWDDDDDDDD" ringing in my ear.
Mom, TOO, thought it was funny... strange... but funny. Now she's REthinking her suggestion that SSG and Tall Girl get together... her reasoning is this: "He'll either go insane or deaf from all that squealing..."

I'm thinking insanity comes before deafness... or in my experience that's what happens.