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10:17 p.m. - Sunday, Jul. 03, 2005 After reading Hiss' entry for July 1st... I couldn't HELP but laugh at the "Five things that society, in general, apparently enjoys or tolerates, but that I just don't get" and I wanted to add another... Anna Nicole Smith. She's just one big ball of boob and bleach... and either fat or Trimspa thin, she's just one of those people who is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out there and probably will never return, even with an escort, gps, and an unlimited EZPASS. (EZPASS, for the non-Americans, is a box on your vehicle that charges your account for everytime you drive through a toll plaza.) It's weird, having been back in the states since Tuesday around midnight, to feel as though I've never been to Canada... it is like a surreal moment that happened, but doesn't feel like its happened. Even with mediocre pictures... However, after dealing with my parents (who STILL remain clueless) all weekend long, I'm going to need a vacation from them when I get back from Florida. *Oi* Now, knowing that we had company tonight for dinner, and that they weren't specifically invited... my dad made sure to call DURING dinner to ask me a silly question he could've asked me tomorrow... or Tuesday... or anytime during our long 8 days of stress that is coming up. But no... it had to be tonight. Why? Because they're nosey. The two of them. Mom probably prompted dad to call to see WHO was coming over. And, by calling my house, they'll try to weasle it out of me. However, I'm onto their tricks... And, I told dad that I'd call them back later... b/c we had company. I made a major mistake today. When I went to the food store to pick up a few essentials, I happened to pass by the bakery section. My eyes, naturally, were drawn to these enormous brownies... some with M&Ms and others with marshmallows and all sorts of yummy-looking things on them. So, in a moment of weakness, I asked the woman what was on top of the marshmallow-topped ones. She said.....they're turtle brownies... marshmallows, caramel syrup, nuts and too much chocolate. She also suggested that when people eat them, because they're so rich, to drink milk. Apparently milk makes them less rich? Is milk like a chocolate-breaker or something? I wanted to ask her why, but I figured it would make me look stupid... so I bought 4 of them and left. Now, so you understand how utterly gi-normous these things are... you can cut them in 1/4 pieces and they're STILL huge. In my guess-timation, the two sitting side by site were about 8 inches long. That's big. Huge even. So, I did as I was instructed... because bakery people know best... and I cut them into quarters... and instructed my guests to ingest milk so as to break down the thickness of the 1" frosting top... This was followed by a roar of laughter... as my one guest inhaled 2 pieces of brownie. 5 minutes later, he looked as though he was going to D-I-E. Maybe the milk was to prevent death by chocolate... However, swearing that I wouldn't touch a brownie, I instead took a piece of cheesecake that my guests had brought. UGH... My stomach hurts and I didn't even eat the entire piece. And I keep thinking, in the back of my mind, that I need to inhale all salad this week... because this time next week I'll be in southern Florida in a bathing suit. However, I have this philosophy... and you can feel free to borrow it if you like: No matter or big or small I may be, there'll always be SOMEONE larger wearing a thong like it's 1999...
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