But, that won't tell my story, now will it?

So, I have a few pictures for you... because *I* care about my readers.

OK... before I start writing and posting and stuff, I am explaining something in advance.

A mostly-fun time was had by ME... a miserably pouty time with forced-FUN moments was had by M-GIRL... and, as much as I tried in vain to find the FUN-side of Philly (which I'm sure IS there, but was hiding from you're truly), I was dragging along Prissy Pouty-Face for 4 days of "OH GEEZUS" and "ENOUGH ALREADY"...

OK, enough said...

I, the eternal adventurer (in my mind), ventured off into the grayish-blueish-white beyond for the nearly-2-hour-drive to Philly... the City of Brotherly Love.

13 seconds INTO the trip, I was confronted with, *sighs* and "I wish J-BOY was coming with us... it's SO not FAIR that he HAS TO stay home... with her...er...his fiance"

13.4 seconds INTO the trip and I wanted to dump her off on the side of the road.

But, my conscience got the better of me.

Besides, I may end up marring my reputation by pushing a woman out of my vehicle, while going 75 mph, in order to shut her the FUCK up. Then again, it may help me land that long-awaited job. It was a dicey move, so I decided not to. Apparently, sometimes my conscience sucks.

Yet, thinking about what "could've been" still makes me smile... a LOT.

Needless to say, for the ENTIRE trip, my car was polluted with:

Her: I wish MY man were here.
Me: He's NOT your man.
Her: Yes he is, he loves me and *I* love him.
Me: Correction, HE loves his fiance and HE is letting you act like an ass. YOU on the other hand are irritating the SHIT out of me.
Her: *pout* I can't FUNCTION without him.
Me: You can function back home WITH him while I goto Philly.
Her: *pout*

Then she began this LONG LONG LONG 4 day thing of constantly text-messaging him. After the first 1.029438948 seconds, it began to irritate the cow shit out of the cows, the sheep shit out of the sheep, and the EVERLOVING SHIT out of me.

Her: Why won't you let me talk about him?
Me: Because I don't want to hear it.
Her: Why?
Me: Because.
Her: Whhhhhhhhhhy? WHY WHY WHY???
Me: Because I don't HAVE to listen to it because I am the GODDAMN DRIVER, now knock it off.
Her: *pout*
Me: And grow up, too.
Her: Fine! I'll text him.

Ok, enter in the AGE OF GODDAMN MISPLACED TECHNOLOGY. You'd THINK that texting him would SHUT HER UP. (insert tired laugh) No. It didn't.

Her: You know we sit on the couch and cuddle at HIS place because he's afraid [husband] will kill him?
Me: Maybe [husband] SHOULD kill him, and perhaps YOU as well.
Her: You're mean.
Me: Yes, yes I am.
(15 second pause where I was SURE she gave up trying)
Her: I know we're soul mates but I can't believe he's marrying HER still.
Me: HER has a name. I LIKE HER. HER is marrying J-boy, so DEAL WITH IT ALREADY.
Her: *laughs* You're funny.
Me: I'm tired.
Her: TIRED?!? It's 4:24 in the afternoon.
Me: I'm TIRED of listening to this shit. STOP, please... I BEG you.
Her: *pouts*

(At this point I was ready to turn around, drop her off ANYWHERE, and continue MY adventure into Philly.)

With only 40 minutes under my travel-belt, I knew that if I didn't act now, that I would have to ENDURE this for the REMAINDER of the trip.

But, again, that goddamn conscience said, "NO, no Her-Story, throwing her OUT of the truck while traveling at high speeds is a bad... BAD thing."

Apparently that little devil guy was nowhere to be found. This, my friends, was a one-sided argument with my conscience... one that lasted for four whole days.

With 20 minutes left in the trip, most of it consumed with me TRYING to shield myself from her CONSTANT TALK of J-Boy and how he makes her feel like a woman... I feigned vomitting IN my mouth for as long as I could... until

Her: I want him to DO me so damn bad... I haven't had sex in 62 and a half DAAAYYYSSSS.... OH MAAAN

THEN she pushed herself against the back of the front passenger seat and began to MOAN.

Did you SEE what I wrote?

M-O-A-N

She was fucking no-hand MASTERBATING IN my truck to the tune of "OOOH J-BOOYYYY"

I stopped my truck right there in the middle of the road and said, "What the HELL are you doing in MY truck?? Do you have NO decency??"

Apparently NOT.

But at least it saved my BRANDNEW SLIP COVERS from their painful demise... because had she continued, I would've ripped them OFF of the seats and set them on FIRE right there on the side of the road.

Finally, we arrive in Philly... and within a matter of seconds we were IN the parking garage and checked into our hotel. (Talk about Brotherly Love, eh?)

*I* clean myself up a little (washed the face, smashed my head into the countertop hoping to DIE, and reapplied my makeup) while M-girl texted some giggly-school-girl-shit to J-boy (the guy who SHOULD know better but doesn't).

Finally, we wander out into the Philly dusk to find FOOD.

And here is where we ended up:

The HardRock Cafe, an appropriate location for someone that was driving me crazy.

All through dinner she whimpered about J-boy... DESPITE my pleas to S-T-O-P.

And, I was FAMISHED...

Everyone, together... "YUMMMM!"

Ok, I apologize for the POOR quality of some pictures... I was using my camera phone and BRIGHT WEIRD LIGHTS kinda freak it out.

Now, for those of you NOT affiliated or familiar with the HRC, it's not exactly a PLACE for people that suffer or deal with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), or ODD (Operational Defiant Disorder). It's a BUSY, LOUD, and um... very BUSY looking place.

and

Our night ENDED at 9:30pm when SHE decided that she'd rather be hanging around the hotel room, POUTING, and whimpering while texting J-boy.

*I* wanted out... so I dragged her downtown... and since I haven't the vaguest idea about the city, all I know is that we traveled WEST towards the old town hall by the Grand Masonic Temple (which is freaking HUGE).

So, we turned around and went in search of a DUNCAN DONUTS.

Apparently someone forgot to mention that EVERYTHING closes by 7pm. Some Brotherly Love, eh?

Anyway, we went back to our hotel room and watched free HBO while I got to listen to...

Her: OH MY GOD... I can't believe you're watching THIS... you're so...so... conservative.
Me: You say conservative like its a dirty word.
Her: OH MY GOD... J-boy will NEVER believe this.
Me: *sighs*
Her: OH MY G-
Me: OK ENOUGH... It's not like I've never seen boobies on television before. Get OVER it already.

That, my friends, was Thursday.

I tried to goto sleep around midnight or so... but didn't find sleeping in the same room as comforting as one would think.

Apparently I must've fallen asleep somewhere around 1, because I missed the SHOW nextdoor.

Two people were doing the Bangety-bang and their headboard was smacking the living poopie cakes out of the wall next to M-girl's head.

All night long.

A few of us have theories about WHO was in that room:
I said... Two 90 year old historians
Prof Hot said...Two 90 year old MALE historians
I said...Two 90 year old MALE dragqueen historians

(That didn't get old for a while... hehe)

Ok, I'm bushed... I'll finish this diatribe tomorrow...because if you THINK I'm finished (hahaha), I'm not.

Glad to be home, though... back into the warm loving embrace of MY PEEPS at d'land. Rock on SUPA TROOPERS!

(By the way, don't forget that the TRIVIA QUEST ends at midnight (EST) tonight. Don't make me sad and cry into my pillow thinking that I'm the last kid picked for kickball. Play the game. It's fun. The prize is free. Remember the prize??