(Can you stay glued?)

OK, I'm back. He, instead, wanted "'ench foast ticks." C'est le vie (er... right? My French is a bit rusty.)

After 3 excruciatingly painful hours of Prof. Weasel RIPPING apart the papers we wrote (again)... and ending with GUESS WHO'S PAPGER *blinkblink*, I learn the "secret" that's been known by SOME of the "insiders" of the department for the past few weeks.

Ready?

I'm telling you, this news was making me freaking nutso giddy once I heard it...

Now, there's nothing worse than a blank stare out of me... but when he said, "Oh you DIDN'T know?" I wanted to slap M-girl. Why? Because as soon as he said something pertaining to "the baby," and I stopped walking and dropped my jaw, M-girl blurts out with, "Oh well WE all knew..."

I didn't even turn my head, because I've gotten used to ignoring her snide comments, while staring intently at J-boy... mouth still ajar... and I yelled out, "SHUT UP!! Are you serious??"

As soon as I said it, I knew that THIS was the ONE THING that would make her cry. So, I continued to talk about it because, well, hey, I did earn the title of "Bitch," and therefore I must fulfill my official duties. Right?

Plus, its fun to make her squirm after she acts so fucking self-righteous EVERY DAY. (She's still credited for hours accrued (sp) in Philly... so, I'm collecting, WITH interest)

*evil grin*

So, I hugged him and congratulated him... and asked questions... a LOT of questions... such as, "When did you find out?" and "When are you due" as well as the ALL-important question of "Will she still fit in her wedding dress in June?"

And, the more I talked about it, the more pouty-faced M-girl got.

I think I'm liking my new evil self, I thought as I walked in the FREEZING GODDAMN COLD on the way to my car. Evil me, that's such a cool second personality. *grins*

Anyway... THIS EXPLAINS WHY HE DIDN'T GOTO PHILLY. They found out just after New Years.

This is also around the time that he told her something that caused her heart to be "broken" and my cellphone to never stop beeping. I think my phone was near killing itself from the amount of text messages.

Anyway, that also explains why they have stopped laying on each other in class.

So, I feel gloatingly-self-satisfied knowing that she didn't completely ruin a relationship. Though, I am a little weirded out that J-boy will be a dad.

And, fyi, not more than 2 seconds after saying goodbye and climbing into my truck did I get a text from M-girl that read, "now u know y." BAHHAHAHAHAH! Ya stupid cow. You were the straw... his fiance IS the milk, the cow, and the calf.

Last night, we were supposed to have read each other's papers written 2 weeks ago... ALL ON THE SAME BOOK.

I had a feeling that Prof. Weasel was going to pour vinegar on open wounds by publicly critiquing our papers.

And, I just had a feeling that mine would be last.

And, guess what? It is...

OH, and by the way, he so graciously informed me that you CAN begin a sentence with "But." I tried to explain to him that I was told it wasn't proper, but, as the self-proclaimed grammar nazi, he wasn't moved.

But, he did go apeshit on people for using colons and semicolons incorrectly.

Not me, btw, because I rarely USE them.

M-girl was berated for writing one continual 4-page runon sentence. J-boy was harrassed for putting apostrophe's in the wrong places ("That is POOR writing, poor.") I was given hell for omitting "the" several times. My response? "Well, THE 2 year old was sitting on my lap at THE time and he loves to press "ESC"."

I got a snarkle out of Prof. W, but no sympathy.

I'm not sure he understands the serious implications of a 2 year old pressing ESC while you're writing a paper.

Anyway, he didn't say anything extremely bad about my paper. Actually, it was a lighter gauntlet than with my thesis. I did, however, laugh when J-boy was told that his writing was "poor."

It took his arrogant-egotistical smirk off of his face for about 2 seconds. And, its even funnier because he didn't say that about MY paper.

BOOYAH!
"Earth to J-boy, Earth to J-boy... your writing SUCKS, over."