4:44 p.m. - 2001-06-13
Mocking NJ should be the National montra
"I like New Jersey because I was born in Newark and in my mind I can still hear the constant roar of McCarter Highway in the background, especially when the refrigerator is running."
"I like New Jersey because everyone around here talks the same way I do."
"I like New Jersey because, although the air sometimes smells like burnt sausage casings, at other times it smells like raspberry Jello - and I like raspberry Jello."
"I like New Jersey because every car I've ever owned, old or new, has failed inspection for emissions, so the air must be cleaner than it looks."
"I like New Jersey because we put more politicians in jail where they belong than any other state."
"I like New Jersey because my mother-in-law from Pennsylvania is afraid to come here."
"I like New Jersey because this is where I learned to swear in Italian."
"I like New Jersey because under all that concrete, Paramus is actually a pretty nice place."
"I like New Jersey because a total stranger in Teaneck once flagged down my car to bum a light, and that couldn't happen just anywhere."
((did I mention that I've lived in NJ all my life? Scary thing is, this stuff is so true!))
New Jersey: We Kick Delaware's Butt
New Jersey: The Joke's On You
New Jersey: A 55-Gallon Drum of Fun
Have Your Next Affair in New Jersey
New Jersey: More Fun Than a Bus Ride
New Jersey: Bring a Friend and Some Windex
New Jersey: Gateway to Everyplace Else
Well, There's Always New Jersey
New Jersey: Blame It on the Dog
New Jersey: Home of the Original Smell
New Jersey: You'll Get Used To It
New Jersey: Only 240 Miles and You're Out
New Jersey... Please Take Someone With You When You Leave
Plant a Body In The Garden State
I'm In a New Jersey State of Mind, But My Therapist Helps
If You Can Smell It, It Must Be New Jersey
New Jersey: Landfill of Wonder
New Jersey: New York City's left testicle
New Jersey: It's better than Baghdad
New Jersey: Don't laugh, it's paid for
((Oh, don't be offended, I personally think its hysterical))
EXIT # (turnpike) ____ EXIT # (parkway)____
ETHNIC BACKGROUND: __ Italian __ Sicilian __ Jewish __Irish
BACKYARD SMELLS LIKE: __ Sewage __ Sulfur __ Garbage __ All of the above
NUMBER OF MUSCLE SHIRTS OWNED: a) 5-10 b)10-15 c)15-20 d)20 or more
NUMBER OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS: > > a) 5-10 b)10-15 c)15-20 d)20 or more
NUMBER OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS THAT ARE ALSO MUSCLE SHIRTS: a) 5-10 b) 10-15 c) 15-20 d) 20 or more
BRAND OF JEANS PREFERRED: a) Sergio Valente b) Jordache c)Sassoon d)Z.Cavaricci
PERCENTAGE OF WARDROBE WHICH IS LEATHER: a) 100% b) 95-100% c)90-95% d) 85-90%
NUMBER GOLD CHAINS OWNED: a) 10-15 b) 15-20 c)20-25 d) 25 or more
NUMBER OF GOLD CHAINS WORN AT ONE TIME: a) 5-10 b) 10-15 c)15-20 d) 20 or more
COST OF ALL THIS JEWELRY: a) $5-$10 b) $10-$15 c)$15-$20 d) Stolen
NUMBER OF APPLICATIONS OF OBSESSION/POLO/DRAKAR TO ACHIEVE DESIRED EFFECT: a) 10-15 b) 15-25 c) 25 or more
GOLD CAP ON AT LEAST ONE TOOTH? __YES __ NO
HAIR HEIGHT: a) 6-8" b) 8-12" c) 1-2' d) 2' or more
HAIR PRODUCTS USED SIMULTANEOUSLY: __ Hair Spray __ Styling Gel __ Mousse __ Extra Hold Styling Gel __ Bondo __ Spackle __ 40 Weight Oil __ Crazy Glue
PRIMARY AUTOMOBILE OWNED: a) IROC Z b) Firebird c) Camaro d) Mustang f) Chevette (You got a f?%*ing problem widdat?)
NUMBER OF INCHES CAR IS OFF THE GROUND: a) 6-8" b) 4-6" c)2-4" d) Under 2"
CHARACTERISTICS OF AUTOMOBILE: a) Gold chain around license plate b) Neon lights around license plate c) Neon lights under car d) Chippendales/Playboy air freshener hanging from rear view mirror e) Garter hanging from rear view mirror f) Chrome hubcaps g) Stick-on window tinting h) Stick-on paint splash stickers i) Fuzzy dice
FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM: a) F?%*ing Giants b) F?%*ing Jets c) F?%*ing Mets d) F?%*ing Yankees e) F?%*ing Nets f) F?%*ing Knicks g) F?%*ing Devils h) F?%*ing Rangers i) F?%*ing Islanders
FAVORITE MUSIC: a) Techno b) Rap c) Bon Jovi d) Bruce Springsteen
FAVORITE PROFANITY: a) mother*****r b) ****sucker c) sc*mb*g
RELIGIOUS STATUES AT GRANDPARENTS' HOUSE: a) 5-10 b)10-15 c) 15-20 d) 20 or more
RELATIVES NAMED "SAL": a) 5-10 b) 10-15 c) 15-20 d) 20 or more
RELATIVES NAMED "COOKIE": a) 5-10 b) 10-15 c) 15-20 d) 20 or more
RELATIVES NAMED "VINNIE": a) 5-10 b) 10-15 c) 15-20 d) 20 or more > >
FAVORITE INTERNATIONAL DESTINATION: a) Asbury Park b) Seaside Heights c) Hoboken d) Great Adventure e) Secaucus outlets
FAVORITE DRIVING TECHNIQUE a) tailgating b) attacking stop signs c) doing 106 on the right shoulder of the parkway d) giving the finger to slow, elderly drivers (unrelated) e) giving the finger to slow, elderly drivers (own grandparents)
((and better yet, the Miss NJ Pagent revived))
Contestants will compete in these categories:
Geography: Contestants must match the names Jersey towns with the applicable Parkway exits.
Obstacle Course: Contestants must: apply makeup, drink coffee, light a cigarette, and flip off pedestrians while driving through a traffic circle.Bonus for talking on a cell phone.
Steadiness: Contestants compete for the longest possible ash hanging off a Marlboro Light 100.
Hair Spray Endurance: Contestants are placed one by one in a wind tunnel, the contestant who can withstand the highest velocity wind without her hair moving is the winner.
Balance: Contestants must navigate the Wildwood Boardwalk in 4" heels without breaking an ankle.
Consumer Smarts: Contestants are left at a Secaucus outlet mall with $500. The one emerging with the most Chanel knock-offs wins.
Chemistry: Contestants must identify the drink with the Roofie in it by only look and smell.
Lung Capacity: Who can blow the biggest bubble?
Musical Talent: Who knows the most Madonna songs by heart?
Geography 2: Given a Jersey town, contestants must name the nearest mall.
Swimsuit Competition: Swimsuits must show all tattoos and navel piercings.
We won't actually be able to get the crown on the winner's hair, but Miss
Jersey Girl and will receive a year's supply of Coors Light and a brand new Camaro IROC-Z.
((What's even more special is that NJ is so much like the 80's. Some trends NEVAH end.))
I grew up in NJ and when I went to college in NY, I had this blue and yellow t-shirt that said, "Welcome to New Jersey, now go HOME."
Ya gotta love us, who else would put up w/ PA and NY?