11:28 a.m. - 2001-08-17
Little or nothing
I got little sleep last night. I sat up all night thinking. I had weird dreams again last night. I can't figure that out. ITs been 1 week of weird dreams followed by one day of extremely bad news.
I decided to email my boss yesterday to see what in chrissakes that whole room mele was about. This is the response I get: "seniority usually plays into it, by department...with some exceptions...also service to the district above and beyond the call of duty also puts one in line to get their own room."
So, I guess getting on my knees and sucking IS a job requirement that someone neglected to tell me about.
So, I had to respond to that. I wrote: "Well, I guess I won't be seeing my own room for about, what? 20 years or so?"
I know I won't get a response to that. And, speaking of duty... What do they call: selling tickets at games, doing security at games, going to every fucking meeting at that school (never missed one, except to help w/ the wrestling state championships... and I hate wrestling), every dance was chaperoned by me, went to every stupid function (even via persuasion). I even AGREED to be class advisor under the guise of getting my own room (or mostly my own room).
I guess I just don't do enough.
I do more than the fucking Math dept. Even their new bitch gets a room.
Ok, ok. I can play this game. I'll float, moveabout, or whatever in the fuck they want me to do. I'll put up and tolerate the chaotic masses they assigned to me. I'll even put in 1/2 an effort to improve. I won't be hanging out in the lounge, and I wont be volunteering for anything. Let the suckups be the pets. I'm tired of trying to do well for others.
I'll just keep to myself and finish this year. I wasn't too fond of this place to begin with, I'm just too chicken to start applying to other places. I guess I'm going to now. I'm tired of having no back up, of having to fight to get what I need or want or what is right. I'm not a goddamn superhero in tights and a cape.
I've got to step down and let someone else take the reigns of "do gooder."
I'm gonna prep my lessons, avoid my phone calls, and sleep on the couch later.