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1:31 p.m. - Thursday, Jul. 13, 2006 I had a guilt-trip of my very own today... beginning with the "my entire adult life has been spent in college." This was followed by, "my kids only know me as the mom who 'sits at the computer all of the time, writing her papers and being stressed out' instead of a loving, fun, and affection mom." THEN... I felt bad for putting #3 in school/daycare (well, not yet, but soon)... and remembered the IMMENSE guilt I still feel for putting #2 son in that SHIT HOLE daycare center 2 blocks from my college (he ended up finishing the semester IN the class with me... with his juice box, baggie of animal crackers, and coloring book stuff). Now, I have 1-1/2 months (barely) before I reenter academia and where am I? Not playing with my little one... or taking the boys here and there... but sitting at a table in my livingroom, staring at a screen that won't magically write for me. I am genetically disposed to feeling guilt and shame...even without my parents being anywhere NEAR me. Speaking of... I went to school today to meet w/ one of my advisors (he's the one who is ALWAYS available for me, unlike Prof. Hot who is NEVER around)... and he helped settle my brain-splosion that caused me to seize up and stare at my screen for 5 hours w/o writing so much as a punctuation mark. I'm hoping to finish the revisions on Ch. 1 and write my "Epilogue" for Chapter 3 (we decided that I said all that I want to say... within the confines of my topic... so why beat it to death? I say, anything that'll bring me THAT much closer to graduating is A-OK with me... let's end this monstrous beast, shall we?). So, we'll see what my main advisor says when I talk to him about it on Monday... (he better cooperate). And, yes, in case you're all wondering, I did run into Professor Weasel (who shouldn't be compared to OUR sixweasels because, well she is nicer, for starters)...and was CORDIAL and very ADULT-LIKE. (YEY ME) And, instead of accidentally stepping on his boney feet and elbowing him in his fragile-yet-bonier ribs, I decided to smile and say, "Have a nice summer..." Jackass Jackassmotherfuckerpigbastard (that felt good) Anyway, I appreciate all the solid words of wisdom... all of these things (thesis, exams, graduation, work, my parents moving) are all temporary issues... and I need to look at the big picture (though, its easier said than done)... and be thankful for what I have... even if it means that my family will have to make sacrifices for just a lil longer... � 
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