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12:20 p.m. - Saturday, May. 22, 2004 Manly men with manly facesI was thinking about when I was 19 and in college the first time. (Ha) I had to take 2 credits worth of gym classes in order to get my Associates from the local community college. The first class I took was "Self Defense." Needless to say, never pair me up with my stalker's older brother who was a bragging asshole living a 1/2 block from my house. I went to h.s. w/ this butthead and I couldn't believe my luck when my professor paired us up for our final exam. This kid I get paired up with lived down the street from my house who graduated h.s. a year behind me. HE was the one who bragged all semester about having a 'black belt in karate' and how he could kick 'everyone's butt blindfolded and handcuffed.' We had endured his shit all semester, despite the fact that my prof was not only a higher ranking black belt, but also a former RED BERET who served in Vietnam. (Needless to say, the prof was a little unstable.) Ok, so 4 'couples' are put into the gym w/ the instructions not to have contact when performing these blood-letting movements. I'm there w/ lugnut, two petite cheerleaders (blonde, of course) and their big strapping jock-partners, and a punker couple. At one point, facing the wall, we're not supposed to react until touched. Lugnut grabbed my ass. I spun around, grabbed his shoulders, kneed him dead square in the balls, and as he dropped, I pushed him over and walked to the other side of the mat. The professor jumped up and stopped everyone. I knew I wasn't supposed to have contact, but HELL NO would I let this creepy bastard cop a feel. Apparently, the professor was so impressed that SOMEONE brought this guy down, that he yelled out, "She gets an 'A'!" Hehe... that was a fun semester. The second class is actually what I was thinking about. I opted to take something different w/ less person-to-person contact. So, I took Introduction to Hiking & Camping with the scariest butch female teacher at the college. YES SIR, she was definitely a man-hater that's for sure. You'd think one little joke about spiking our water bottles w/ Vodka would go unnoticed. From that point on, she checked MY water bottle and the water bottle of my constituents. Cuz we wuz trouble. We trailed behind her to have a few smokes before dragging our weezing asses up the hill to the peak so that she could turn around and yell out, "Let's go back down." Not only did she check my bottle for booze, but my pack for drugs, and other funky stuff that might make this class INTERESTING. But, the old hag found not a thing... and I made sure I hid my smokes IN my shorts. (Smart, right?) Smart, no. The ole hag tried to pat us down before we left to go to whatever destination she dragged us to. I was like, HELL NO lady... keep your grubby paws off my ass. (Remember what happened to the LAST guy who tried touching my ass?) My group consisted of an offspring of flower power people, a kid who always wore all black (and combat boots), this cute guy I had a crush on, and the rest of the smokers. WE had to stick together. WE were all we had. Until the ole hag backtracked DOWN the hill and busted us for smoking. Regardless, I survived the semester only to have this lady give us a WRITTEN TEST on hiking...and...camping. Yeah, I thought the same thing. What could you POSSIBLY write? She gave us essays, true/false and a multi-choice test. I hated that class. She hated me. We didn't like one another. But we sure as hell had a load of fun that semester.
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